October 20



When love grows cold our hearts tend to compromise seeking to find a suitable replacement only to discover there is no substitute for genuine love. Within the hearts of many of us lies a vulnerable definition of love. The foundation of our definition is flawed many times by the number of disappointments we have had throughout the years. With each disappointment we find ourselves redefining our expectations of love only to distance ourselves from ever truly experiencing the fullness of what love was intended to bring.

The Bible gives us a picture of when love grows cold. Matt 24:10-13 “And at that time many will fall away and will deliver up one another and hate one another. 11 “And many false prophets will arise, and will mislead many. 12 “And because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 “But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved.

Why does love grow cold? The thermostat of love is turned down when we begin to turn away from the One who is Love. 1 John 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. Love requires a “knowing”, and without it our definition of love becomes a fabrication. And without “knowing” the One who is love and abiding in Him we will drift further into the selfish lawlessness of the world and our flesh creating a greater chilling effect in all our relationships.

When love grows cold our gravitation to conflicts increases and quarrels ensue. James 4:1-2 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. When love grows cold it is replaced with selfish ambition. James 3:14-16 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. Selfishness brings about a raging war within our own hearts leaving us as well as others casualties of the war.

There is nothing selfish about real love. Rom 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God demonstrated His love for us “while” we were yet sinners, opposing Him at every turn. Selfish love only gives in order to get something back, but Jesus condemned this kind of love. Luke 6:32 “And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.

When love grows cold the body of Christ becomes disconnected, dysfunctional and useless as an instrument of reconciliation for the glory of God’s kingdom. Eph. 4:15-16 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. Has your love grown cold?

February 25



Finding a boyfriend! What a hot topic! Google shows about 44,000,000 searches that probably contain an overwhelming amount of differing opinions and advice, leaving you just as confused as when you first asked the question.

Now, I must admit upfront that I am dad with daughters (who are by the way all married) and while they were growing up I was not always the best at giving instruction or for that matter always good at being a dad in general, but we all survived though not without scars. So, amongst the millions of people giving advice on Google, would you give me a few moments of your time to share through our scars and tears what I believe to be a more important question.

On this topic of finding a boyfriend I would like for you to consider that you may be asking the wrong question. The question of finding a boyfriend seems to indicate that you as the young lady must be in pursuit of him instead of the other way around. Somewhere in the midst of all the hype on equality and women’s rights the parameters that have been established by society for dating have robbed women of their rightful honor and value within the relationship.

Value and honor are always substituted with dishonoring compromises when a woman is left to compete with other woman in the pursuit of finding a boyfriend. She finds herself doing what I call, “dressing down” in order to draw more attention to herself than the other women in the room. This is just the beginning of the compromises. As the competition heats up, more compromises are thrown onto the fire. As the fires of compromise burn a young lady’s honor and worth go up in smoke.

Its one thing to be pursued by a young man who finds you to be a woman of value and honor, but it’s a whole different story to be pursued by a young man because you have thrown your honor and worth on the fires of compromise.

May I share with you some words out of the Bible that paint a picture of the type of boyfriend you should be waiting for? Eph 5:25-29 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. God describes the love that His Son Jesus had for the church and He compares that kind of love with the love that a man should have for his wife.

You may be saying, that you are nowhere near the age to be married. Understand, that the love a man should have for his wife should be a love that she sees in him before they marry. He should give himself up for you. He should sanctify (set apart) you as his only love with the commitment that you will always remain in that honored place. His responsibility is to honor you in such a way that the world sees you in all your honored glory and beauty. He should nourish your womanhood and cherish you as a precious gift.

What do you desire, finding a boyfriend or discovering the honor and worth that God desires for you and allowing that boyfriend to find you?

You are worth it! Don’t compromise!

January 29



In the back of my mind I have always wondered about people who make the statement; I have nothing to lose. Are there really any set guarantees in life that enable us to make such a bold statement? By the very nature of making a choice suggest that there is some risk in the choice we are making.

1 Kings 18:21 And Elijah came near to all the people and said, “How long will you hesitate between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him.” But the people did not answer him a word. Many people take the low road of procrastination thinking that making no choice at all ensures them that they prevent from having nothing to lose. Many ignore the need or a reason to follow after God and in the process they make choices that have no guarantees. You have everything to lose by ignoring the God who created you and sent His Son to die in your place that you might have everything to live for! To fall into the pit that lies between nothing and everything is our enemy’s darkest deception.

Mark 8:36 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? The man who would gain the whole world would appear by all worldly standards to have nothing to lose, but in truth he would lose his own soul. The deception enters into our hearts when we define the two accounting terms of gains and losses by the wrong standards.

Phil 3:7-8 But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ. There is gain to us or there is a gain of knowing Christ, but you cannot have both. Adam and Eve thought that they had nothing to lose, but in eating of the tree in the middle of the garden they lost everything.

Matt 10:37-39 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 “He who has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall find it. Our love for the temporary things of this world blinds us to the great chasm fixed between believing we have nothing to lose and losing everything.

The only sure way guaranteeing that we have nothing to lose is to lose everything for the sake of the gospel; of knowing Jesus Christ in all His glory. Phil 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I have nothing to prove I have nothing to lose, and in the process gain everything!

January 18



There are many forms of fear that dominate our lives within the world we live today, but none can steal the blessings and joys of life from us like the fear of failure. Our fear of failure can define who we are as we confine ourselves within the safe yet mundane areas of what we have defined as life. We build walls around us to keep the fear of failure at a safe distance and we build boundaries around our hearts to keep us from straying too far away from the things we think we can control.

Gal 5:1 It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. There can never be freedom where the fear of failure exists. There is no standing firm or moving forward in faithful confidence when the yoke of fear continues to enslave us.

Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We truly have all sinned and will continue to sin even as Christians. And, in our sinning we have also fallen short of the glory of God. To fall short means to miss the mark. To miss the mark means we have failed to reflect the glory of God! Rom 5:20 And the Law came in that the transgression might increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more. Where failure increased, God’s grace abounded all the more. Its grace that sets us free, not our trying harder or doing more! Trying harder and doing more is indicative of living a life in the fear of failure.

I’m not implying here that we can continue to sin and expect God’s grace to set us free from the fear that will enslave us, but what I want you to know is that there is a God who loves you and sent His Son to die for your sins so that you no longer have to live in the fear of failure.

1 John 4:16-18 And we have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this, love is perfected with us, that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

The fear of failure is one of our enemy’s greatest deceptions. Have you come to know and are you believing in the love that God has for you? Do you realize that the God who loves you with unconditional love dwells within you and has promised that He will never leave you? He tells us that there is nothing that can separate us from His love; not even our failures. By trusting in His great love for us, His love is perfected in our hearts. This perfect love casts out all fear; even the fear of failure.

December 9



The soil of remarriage can be like weeds coming up in the cracks of an asphalt driveway.  God’s word is true; what you sow is what you will reap.  But, sowing anything in bad soil will get you nowhere.  The soil of remarriage is vital to the fruitfulness of that marriage.  If we are honest, the only reason we are even dealing with remarriage is due to the fact that we didn’t have a healthy soil with our first marriage.

If the soil of remarriage is a soil of fear, we will eventually reap fear and the lack of trust and intimacy.  Could it be that the soil of your heart is based upon the fear of being alone or not wanted?  This fear cultivates a heart of co-dependency that questions every expression of love and affection.  It corrupts true intimacy and relegates it to a performance based relationship.  Instead of a love based on acceptance and giving to one another without the need to receive anything back; we find ourselves starving for approval and fearing rejection.  1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 

If the soil of remarriage is one of prideful arrogance, it nullifies the “oneness” that God created marriage to be.  Many times it is seen in remarriage that one or even both approach the marriage with the intention of being the rescuer.  Prov 11:2 When pride comes, then comes dishonor.  Prov 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling. If either of us takes this rescuer route to our remarriage, we will end up dishonoring one another and setting our marriages up for constant stumbling and eventually destruction.   Whatever is sown into the soil of pride cannot be fruitful for our marriages.  The motive behind pride is always self-serving, manipulative and controlling.  2 Cor 5:14-15 For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; 15 and He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.

The perfect soil of remarriage is a blend of qualities that come from a reconciled relationship through Jesus Christ.  We are reconciled through the sacrificial love of Christ Jesus on the cross.  This soil of sacrificial love brings the richness of the soil to ensure fruitfulness.  Our Lord and Savior revealed the second ingredient for perfect soil; humble obedience.  Through humble obedience He served the Father to the end.  Through humble obedience we should serve our Heavenly Father by loving our wives as Christ loved the church and submit to our husbands as to the Lord.  The next quality of perfect soil is endurance.  Jesus endured the cross for He saw the joy set before Him.  We endure the difficult circumstances for we know the joy that awaits us as the two of us become one.  The last ingredient of this perfect soil is thankfulness.  We are to give thanks in all things for we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.  His purpose for our marriage is that we might be fruitful and bring glory to His name.

The soil of remarriage is the soil of love, humble obedience, endurance and thankfulness!


August 12



Do you remember the old westerns when the wagon carrying the nitro-glycerin had to cautiously make its way to the mining site.  One wrong move or big bump blew-up everything that was in close proximity.  Blended families raising kids seem to be on this cautious excursion.  The volatility in blending kids from the pain of divorce is like handling nitro-glycerin. The road they travel is filled with potholes of anger and disappointment. Raising kids in blended families is no picnic!

The issue of fairness has always been a juggling act for most parents.  In this generation it has become an epidemic.  Even without divorce and even if you only had one child, life is never going to be fair.  So, for you parents trying to keep the scales of fairness balanced; you’d better find a doctor who will supply you with an ample supply of drugs and a patient counselor.  Especially when it comes to kids who are being squeezed into a smaller box of time with their parents and demanding their fare share of love.  This scale will never be fair enough to satisfy their pain.

So, is raising kids in blended families hopeless?  Not if God is your hope.  In the book of Nehemiah we see him rebuilding the walls in order to bring safety and hope to a people who were a reproach to everyone around them.  But, there was something more important that happened before the walls were built that I believe is crucial for our blended families to survive.

In the book of Ezra the people rebuilt the temple in order to restore their ability to worship.  Ezra 3:12-13 Yet many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ households, the old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, while many shouted aloud for joy;  The foundations of your new blended family must consist of a united heart for worship.  That foundation consist of God’s word being respected within the home.  The foundation is also revealed by a consistent and united commitment to a church body.  The foundation of equal love and respect for each member in the blended family is a must if we are to build anything that will stand in the storms we face.  Worship is more than a Sunday morning event, but a lifestyle commitment in every aspect of our new blended family.  Worship is about putting the Lord Jesus Christ as the head of our household.

Matt 15:8-9 ‘This people honors Me with their lips, But their heart is far away from Me. 9 ‘But in vain do they worship Me.  Worship is not knowing the right things to say at the right time, but living every moment of every day by His grace and love. Without a heart of worship our efforts are empty and serve no useful purpose or benefit for your family.  God responds to genuine worship!

When it comes to the rebuilding of your blended family worship, a word of caution.  You are going to have those around you who have good intentions and tons of advice, yet no real skin in the game.  Ezra 4:1-5  Now when the enemies of Judah and Benjamin heard that the people of the exile were building a temple to the Lord God of Israel, 2 they approached Zerubbabel and the heads of fathers’ households, and said to them, “Let us build with you, for we, like you, seek your God; and we have been sacrificing to Him since the days of Esarhaddon king of Assyria, who brought us up here.” 3 But Zerubbabel and Jeshua and the rest of the heads of fathers’ households of Israel said to them, “You have nothing in common with us in building a house to our God; but we ourselves will together build to the Lord God of Israel, as King Cyrus, the king of Persia has commanded us.” 4 Then the people of the land discouraged the people of Judah, and frightened them from building, 5 and hired counselors against them to frustrate their counsel all the days of Cyrus king of Persia. 

When it comes to raising kids in blended families, make it your priority to build a  foundation of worship for your kids.  Nothing else you do will have the impact that family worship will have on your children.  We will discuss building the walls in your kids life in blogs to come.


June 13



With all the advancement in technology and the abundance of information floating around on the internet it is becoming increasingly difficult for most people to answer the question what’s the truth?  I just typed in the phrase, “what’s the truth” into Google and in 4.2 seconds it revealed about 288 million results.  Hope you brought your lunch for the next fifty years!

Should we wonder why there is an increasing amount of anxiety medications being prescribed within our culture?  Trying to determine who’s truth is the right truth is like walking through a maze of mirrors without an exit.  Without absolute truth for a foundation we will build our lives on the quicksand of assumption and speculation.  So what’s the truth?

Truth is not a what, but a who!  Matt 16:13-15 …He began asking His disciples, saying, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”  14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; but still others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”  Many people today have a distorted view of who Jesus really is.  If we are still asking the question “what’s the truth” we have revealed that our truth is not as absolute as we would like others to believe.

We have many professing Christians who have memorized verses of Scripture with little to no lasting change in their lives or evidence of genuine freedom from the bondage of their sin.  They speak words of truth, but their hearts are still asking the question what’s the truth?  The mind has memorized, yet the heart is slowly being sterilized by a deceptive truth that has taken up residence within our hearts.  Rom 1:25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator.  The heart becomes sterilized to the Person of truth when we have exchanged the truth of God for the truth we want to believe.  Truth is about worship.  When we worship someone other than God we must create a truth that fits our object of worship.  What’s the truth?  It is whatever we choose to worship.

Ps 51:6 Behold, Thou dost desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part Thou wilt make me know wisdom.  What’s the truth?  It is the personal relationship with the One who has become the reality of truth in our inner man.  Eph 1:13-14 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation —  having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, 14 who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory.  If you have listened to the truth and believed that truth for salvation He has sealed you for His own possession.  And the result?  Worship!  To the praise of His glory!

May 21



As I reflect on the power and majesty of God and those six days of creation; heaven must have stood still with eyes wide open and mouth’s hushed with reverence and awe!  God always seems to save the best for last and when he made man He not only said it was good, but it was very good.  He did not speak man into existence, but reached down and took the dust of the earth in His hands and fashioned man in His likeness.  And with a final touch of His glory, God breathed into His creation the breath of life.

If life is not God breathed it is not worth living!  When we attempt to live outside of the God breathed life we breathe in the pollution of the world which brings forth death.  Rom 8:13 for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  The pollution of lust, pride, arrogance, unforgiveness, ungratefulness and self-righteousness permeates the God breathed life like a cancer until there are no signs of life what so ever.  Sin pollutes the God breathed life!

What are you breathing in?  The answer is obvious if you examine what you are exhaling out.  God breathed into you the breath of life and His life exhales out love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  This life does not come by our efforts or accomplishments, but is God breathed.

If you have ever had the wind knocked out of you, you know the only thing you want at that moment is air.  When you come to the place where your sin has you gasping for air and all you want is the life that comes through Jesus Christ He will breathe out His forgiveness and grace and give you the God breathed life!

Rom 5:20-21… but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, 21 that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  When the sin in our lives has increased leaving us hopeless and helpless God breathes out His life giving grace all the more.  Where our sin ruled our lives bringing nothing but death God breathes His righteousness giving us eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Ezek 37:1-5 He brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of the valley; and it was full of bones. 2 And He caused me to pass among them round about, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley; and lo, they were very dry. 3 And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord God, Thou knowest.” 4 Again He said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.’ 5 “Thus says the Lord God to these bones, ‘Behold, I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life.  Can these bones live?  Can you live again?  I will cause breath to enter you (God breathed) that you may live!

May 9






There are all sorts of management systems available to us today, but when it comes to the area of conflict management we would just assume bury our heads in the sand.  “Oh, I’ve learned to pick my battles.”  The problem is, they never pick any!  And, the problem with that is; conflicts in most cases do not go away, but will increase with intensity.  And, when it comes to blended families, we have more conflicts than most.  We have run out of places to stick our heads in the sand.

Our problem is not for lack of conflict; our problem is we do not deal with the root of the conflict.  Conflict management must start at the root.  The root of every conflict is the same. James 4:1-3 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

The war wages in our members and we are not just talking about the members of our new blended family.  Conflict management begins in the members of our own lives.  The pleasures that wage war find their access through what we see and hear.  We see the conflict arising or hear the rumblings of it’s beginnings and give into the personal pleasures that will satisfy it.  We appeal to our comfort rather than the conflict.  Another words, we treat the discomfort of the conflict not the source.  We want the arguing to stop.  We want the bickering to cease, so we appease the pleasures for the temporary relief.  Ah, peace and quiet.  That is until the temporary fix goes flat.

Blended families in their beginning get caught in the trap of making everyone happy.  We understand that everyone is hurting from the divorce and our natural instinct is to bring comfort to the pain.  We want to be fair to everyone; right?  But, conflict management can not be based upon whats fair.  Fair is only fair to the one receiving what they think is fair.  Fairness is based upon my personal pleasures being satisfied, whether or not you receive what you think to be fair.  Fairness only creates conflict; it will not manage it.

1 Cor 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails;  As I read the above verses, I notice one distinct quality of a love that never fails.  It never once mentions “fairness“.

Eph 4:16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.  This is conflict management!  Every member being fitted together and held together by the proper working of each individual loving one another.  This is conflict management at its best!



April 15


Clear ConscienceThe most prescribed medicines in our society today fall under the category of anti-depressants.  The anxiety level in the lives of Americans is staggering considering we are the most free and wealthy country on the face of the planet.  Maybe the only freedom we do not possess is that of a clear conscience.

Anxiety finds its stronghold in our lives through the varying degrees of fear that we attempt to cover up and justify away.  The fear of being exposed or found out muddies the waters of our ability to maintain a clear conscience.  We redefine truth in areas of our lives that we may maintain a clear conscience before God, but God is truth and in Him there is no darkness at all.  If truth is not clear than our ability to have a clear conscience is futile.  1 John 3:19-21 We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him, 20 in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God.  Confidence before God assures our hearts and minds to be free from fear and anxiety and to enjoy a life with a clear conscience.  

Think of the very first sin committed by Adam and Eve in the garden.  When they heard the sound of God walking in the garden they hid themselves.  God called out to Adam, “Adam where are you?”  Adam responded that he heard Him walking in the garden and was afraid so he hid himself because he was naked.  God asked Adam another question.  “Who told you that you were naked?”  The one who told Adam he was naked was his own conscience.  He knew God’s command not to eat of the tree in the middle of the garden and yet he ate anyway, condemning his own heart and violating his own conscience.  When sin is clear in our lives we cannot live with a clear conscience.

We know when we have violated our conscience for it will become evident by the distancing ourselves from others.  We distance ourselves from God by not being in His word, our lack of prayer and fellowship with other believers.  It will be seen by our increasing judgmental attitude toward others.  We will become critical as we evaluate the motives and intentions of those around us.  Just as Adam and Eve tried to cover up their nakedness we attempt to cover our violated conscience.  God still sees it by the way.  We are unable to hide anything from the righteousness and holiness of God.

There is always hope for a clear conscience and it has nothing to do with you making up for your mistakes or trying harder; it has everything to do with the blood of Jesus!  Heb 10:19-22 Since therefore, brethren, we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Come in confession and repentance, with confidence into the presence Jesus our Savior and have your hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and find times of refreshing that you may live today with a clear conscience before your God!